I didn't cry for 14 years

How I discovered a deeper level of joy

Back when I was in my twenties, I came across a picture of me when I was crying as a little kid.

My parents had been taught to feel uncomfortable about the emotions I was having. So to feel less uncomfortable, they would tease me.

It was quite an image: You could see the dumbfounded expression on my face. I couldn’t believe my parents had the camera out.

I realized then: “That must be why I haven’t cried in nearly 14 years...”

After I saw that picture, I put it on my desk, and told myself: “I’m going to learn how to cry again.”

A whole year went by of that picture sitting on my desk… but I still hadn’t figured out how to cry. I just couldn’t get the tears to come.

So I decided to try something different. I went out into the woods to a faraway trail where no one could see or hear me (that’s how much shame I had around it) and I started fake crying.

I did that for about three months, just faking it. Until all of a sudden, it started to actually happen: I began to cry.

When I allowed my tears that I had held back for over a decade, it was one of the biggest reliefs of my life. My body let go of years of tension in just days.

It was such a release that, when it finally happened, I just let myself cry for nearly four days straight — while I was brushing my teeth, while I was eating lunch, whatever I was doing.

The most beautiful part I discovered was that underneath all that sadness was a deeper capacity to feel, love, and experience joy.

Every heartbreak increases our capacity to love.

Big Love,

Joe

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Want to go deeper? Listen to our podcast on the stage of emotional development.