I didn't cry for 14 years
How I discovered a deeper level of joy
Back when I was in my twenties, I came across a picture of me when I was crying as a little kid.
My parents had been taught to feel uncomfortable about the emotions I was having. So to feel less uncomfortable, they would tease me.
It was quite an image: You could see the dumbfounded expression on my face. I couldn’t believe my parents had the camera out.
I realized then: “That must be why I haven’t cried in nearly 14 years...”
After I saw that picture, I put it on my desk, and told myself: “I’m going to learn how to cry again.”
A whole year went by of that picture sitting on my desk… but I still hadn’t figured out how to cry. I just couldn’t get the tears to come.
So I decided to try something different. I went out into the woods to a faraway trail where no one could see or hear me (that’s how much shame I had around it) and I started fake crying.
I did that for about three months, just faking it. Until all of a sudden, it started to actually happen: I began to cry.
When I allowed my tears that I had held back for over a decade, it was one of the biggest reliefs of my life. My body let go of years of tension in just days.
It was such a release that, when it finally happened, I just let myself cry for nearly four days straight — while I was brushing my teeth, while I was eating lunch, whatever I was doing.
The most beautiful part I discovered was that underneath all that sadness was a deeper capacity to feel, love, and experience joy.
Every heartbreak increases our capacity to love.
Big Love,
Joe
Want to go deeper? Listen to our podcast on the stage of emotional development.




We finally get to see the photo
❤️