“Selling” isn’t a necessary evil
You’re always selling, whether you own it or not
Hi there,
A founder I worked with years ago told me that he hated selling his team.
Board meetings were easy for him. Investor pitches were fine.
But the moment he had to “sell” his own team on a new direction, something tightened in him.
He’d over-explain, talk too fast, and push too hard for agreement. And the more he pushed, the more the room pulled back.
One day, after watching another meeting derail, I asked him what he was trying to avoid.
He said, “I don’t want them to think I’m trying to control them.”
He paused. The irony was clear even to him.
Trying to get his team to think anything about him was a form of control.
You’re always selling, whether you own it or not
People often think of selling as a “necessary evil,” but if you really understand it, it’s just an extension of who you are.
You’re always selling.
Especially as a leader, whether you want to admit it or not. You want people to respect each other, to be in alignment, to trust each other, and to understand your vision.
What feels terrible about selling is when you’re trying to force people into an outcome.
And that’s when things often go sideways in business. A contract that is created by force often goes south. People who feel forced often become passive aggressive. And customers who feel cajoled often become dissatisfied and speak poorly about your company.
Trying to force people is what most people call “selling,” but it’s just a disguised fear of being dismissed, misunderstood, or rejected.
The easiest way to see if fear is in the picture is whenever you are using any sort of force or chase to convince people.
That never feels good, and never pays off in the long run.
Experiment
Look back on your week and find one place where you were using force or chase to convince somebody of something.
Then, ask that person what would be required for them to be excited for the outcome that you want.
Example:
You notice that you were trying to force a customer to buy your lampshades.
Call up that customer and ask them: “What would make them excited to buy your lampshades?”
Example:
You were trying to force your kid to brush their teeth.
Ask your kid: “What would make you excited to brush your teeth?”
Big Love,
Joe
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