, try this:
Compare self-talk that sounds like "Don't eat that chocolate cake, or you'll get fat.”
Versus “You deserve food that nourishes your body.”
Or "Stop scrolling, you're wasting your life.”
Versus: “You deserve rest that actually restores you.”
One is trying to create change, rooted in shame.
The other provokes evolution, rooted in love.
And in case you think: “But I need the shame, the musts, the shoulds, in order to be motivated to grow.”
How effective has this approach proven to be?
Notice
You can tell how much internal shame
someone has, by how judgmental they are.
The other way to see this is: You can tell
how much internal shame you have,
by how judgmental you are.
Every judgment you make
about someone else, is pointing to
a part of you that you're still rejecting.
Watch
A question
When you’re experiencing a lot of internal shame, try asking yourself this:
“What would I have to feel if I couldn’t feel ashamed right now?”
That’s where the work begins.
Big Love,
Joe
How many times in the day would you intentionally tell yourself “ah shame and emotion, I’m in the middle of something here, let me deal with you later?”
Would emotional fluidity ever spiral out of control? Or is that just “doing fluidity wrong” because one is not following one element of the VIEW framework?
I perceive shame as a confirmation of the belief "I'm not enough". It is intense and warming and so familiar that it can be pleasant.
As I wondered about how to get beyond it, I figured that accepting to have longings awaits behind shame. Strong desires to be different/live in different circumstances/possess different things I have silenced long ago into non-existence, so as not having to grief when they could not become true.