You think of things you want to get done.
You write them down.
What follows is a cycle of critical self-talk and procrastination. You feel controlled by your to-do list, or bad if you haven’t accomplished it. You think, why can’t I get this done?
I see this often: The lists we make for ourselves aren’t just lists. They’re our inner critic on paper. We write things we think we “should” do to be more productive and to work harder.
But this doesn’t feel good, and it certainly doesn’t help you create the life you want.
Underneath all this is an opportunity to see what really matters. Instead of creating a to-do list that holds you captive, what if you created one that worked for you and helped you build genuine momentum?
The first is self-abusive, seeking to make changes rooted in shame.
The second encourages growth and momentum, rooted in self-love.
To go from one to the other requires two shifts.
1. Think about what actually makes a difference.
I worked with this well-known executive who was constantly overrun by his to-do list and calendar. He went from meeting to meeting and worked nonstop. His company was doing well, but he struggled to get everything done.
As we worked together, we started thinking about a different way to approach his time. We asked: Instead of putting a bunch of things on his list, what if he focused on only three things that really mattered? Just those three.
Suddenly, his to-do list included only the highest-leverage stuff that got him closer to his goals.
When you look at your list, ask yourself: What can I do to make this list irrelevant or easier?
We get a rush from checking off things from our list, but something greater comes when we accomplish something that makes a difference.
I’ve never heard anybody say, ‘I want a job where I don’t make any difference.’ Part of being human is wanting to make an impact. We like to do things that make a difference and to help other people. We want to put our energy into what matters.
Once the executive got intentional about what he put on his list and made sure everything on it mattered, his company grew. He felt better and more expansive.
He started enjoying himself more day to day… which brings us to the next point.
2. Seek joy and accomplishment will follow.
When you want to do something, you’re more likely to do it.
Joy also makes things more efficient.
If, at the end of the day, everything I’ve done has taken more energy and hasn’t really made a difference, that’s not efficient. But if it’s been enjoyable and given me life, even when it’s hard, that’s very efficient.
I was once in a Mastermind class with other content creators when my friend, Tiago, commented that YouTube meetings are not fun. As he went on about how much he hated those meetings, the rest of us laughed and listened.
As we all continued to go through the things that were unenjoyable about those meetings, I could see Tiago start to light up. He was thinking about how he might approach it so it would be more fun. He was thinking about how he could bring joy into something that felt rote and laborious.
He figured it out, and soon after, his YouTube channel completely evolved. His numbers jumped because he found a way to enjoy the process.
This works for everything. When you’re enjoying what you do, everything changes, and you’re more likely to keep doing it.
The next time you’re writing your to-do list, think about how you will do each thing and if you can find a way to bring in more joy.
Create a list that supports the life you want.
You may be thinking, well, if I enjoy everything I’m doing, then I’m not doing anything of value.
But that’s not true.
We do not have to sacrifice our joy and authenticity to fulfill our potential. Meaningful productivity does not have to mean exhaustion and friction. You can find real ways of accomplishing your goals without working so “hard.”
You can enjoy the process while making an impact and doing meaningful work.
So back to your to-do list, think about these two things:
Do the things on my list make an impact and support the life I want to build? Do they matter, or are these things just busywork to feel productive?
Will I enjoy doing these things?
When your list has meaning and is filled with joy, you go from
—>having a list that’s your inner critic abusing you on paper
to
—> having a purposeful agenda that works for you and the life you want to build
Big Love,
Joe
PS If you’re having trouble getting stuff done, it often means you’ve lost connection with yourself.
It could be your connection to your purpose, connection to your vision, or even connection to what you actually want.
I’ve put together a 7-step Challenge that’s all about connection. And it’s designed to guide you to a more joyful relationship with yourself and the people in your life. Try it out here:
my weekly review questions:
1. what truly matters right now, and did my calendar reflect it this week?
2. what gave me energy? What drained me of my energy?
3. what am I pretending is still important?
4. what decision did I avoid this week?
5. what created the biggest result?
THREE MOVES (10 min)
- one removal:
- one delegation that sticks (hand over the decision rights, not just the task):
- one simplification:
PAPER CUTS (5 min)
list 5 drained-energy moments from this week. three become next week's moves.
a recurring meeting nobody needs. a channel that never delivers signal. a client who costs 3x attention for 1x revenue. a hand-off that never quite works.
I deeply appreciated the distinction between shame-driven lists and ones born of self-love.
I'd like to build on that. Another dimension can be the self-dialogue with the part that activates shame. It's trying to fulfill a positive purpose for us, therefore we can engage it and possibly parse the positive intent from the negative emotional energy it generates in us. The self-love list may carry a similar problem of activating inertia for the opposite reason: now it might be the shaming part that feels neglected and fights for psychic attention.
We could have a self-led dialogue with BOTH parts. The IFS literature suggests that once they feel heard, parts calm down quite quickly and we actually end up benefiting from their presence.